the dots that follow

All these accidents that happen
follow the dot
coincidence makes sense
only with you
you don't have to speak - I feel
Emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
then the riddle gets solved
and you push me up to this:

State of emergency : how beautiful to be
state of emergency : is where I want to be

All that no-one sees
you seewhat's inside of me
every nerve that hurts you heal
deep inside of me
you don't have to speak - I feel

Emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
then the riddle gets solved
and you push me up to this:

State of emergency : how beautiful to be
state of emergency : is where I want to be

-Bjork, "Joga"

Incomplete

the heart races...
the feelings linger.
(vibrations, thud, boom, crash, waves, droplets,
sparkles, fireworks, adrenline, caffaine.)

i release a sigh
(can i take it back?)
then i mean to say something
that was already said before

i swallow
i feel ok.

better.


the fingers caress the lips (salty.)
transcendence through these doe-eyes
precious thoughts slip quietly under the skin, cuddling within.

diving in...

Displacement!

this ascent.
i peruse my laying self, (in wonder, i wonder what happens next)
am i...?
am i halfway to heaven from here?

on this bed, i am not resting,
i am burning! (oh these thoughts...!)
never has it been hotter

as i start to think, (but what is there to think?)
(oh... aplenty!) but never much to say.

Swirling randomly:

there is this life i am living,
then there are the necessary lies, there are the undercurrents,
there are the double-ups, the meetings at dark corners,
there are the busy people, all caught up, all oblivious,
there are the towering graces that hold on to everyone's prints.

then there are the kind sheltered stories and the all-so-real documentaries,
there are the sinful cities of beaten wives, kidnappings and traffickings,
of historic migrations and journeys that we all are.

there is politics, even real relationships; then there are the frauds, lovers and all...

then there is you.

none, not one, ever complete without the other
as i can never be

completeness is a myth

i am incomplete and will stay this way
i will live incomplete lives, feel incomplete feelings,
say incomplete lines, perform incompletely,
travel incompletely, write incomplete histories,

make incomplete love!
and
only then
will life make sense to me

don't feel sad... i am not.
it just is.

free-falling...

and then...
complete.

a collector's life

to T:

the prints we leave behind are usually the things that follow us to the end

in our transcience, every trace counts, every profile is worth every second, every breath is worth taking in, every hug and cuddle is warmth that is to be collected, every goodbye kiss is to be framed in that museum of private collections, every hurt is to be felt, no tear is ever wasted, every bit of anger that is shown must be leashed back in again for later use, every emotion recycled, every thought shared, every honest moment treated with care, every glance is caught, every scar on the chest left intact, every sheet imprint ironed and then the bed is re-made, every guilt is swallowed like cum and then regurgitated as tonic for the soul, this collector's edition of life, this phenemonology approach is bound to meet its match and i am waiting for the next encounter, to thrill me, to excite, to brandish, to consume, to allow me to play another role, to visit another lifestyle, to play lover, brother, guide, friend, family and fellow collector; all the hurt in the world cannot blind me from the very ideal that i set for myself, this is my resolve for i am all but drained in the pursuit of everlasting relationships, cynical and broken, but also brave and adventurous, this is the dialectic of my existence and there is just no why. I am why, i am the reason for this, there is no other alternative, this is the alternative, i am defined by who i am and not what i do so i will leave it at that, never let the walls become impending, never let them cave in on me. i am just a boy surviving, like anyone else. The less space you give me, the more i move around, this is not a paradox, this is how i function, just a boy surviving. I seek to be true in every experience and not cry too much, to just release every bit of affect that forms this lifeworld i am in, i leave my own prints in them and i just ask for periodic penchance and eternal memory, in your world travelling world, i am willing to be a plankton, just allow me to be attached to your biggest, bluest whale and never let go. I will die happy even if i am not living because i did. Even life without coherence is a life worth living. I only have to face myself at the end of it and i intend to prepare a smile for me.

the prints we leave behind are usually the things that follow us to the end

Post

Time to get going
to get a-moving
even if you are meant to flow
no one’s going to tow

don’t you ever tell me
that love is what we take it to be
don’t ever say
that for me, you will pray

this is who i am
writing this piece of scam
this is who you are
playing off everyone else’s guitar

I’d cut off some slack now
Mediate every row
For life is ‘Post’
And everyone’s getting toast

Live and loathing in Post
Is it ever my turn to boast?
Die and depending in Pre-
I was never really free

Simulations sweet simulations
Vegas on multiple projections
In this reality of hyperreality
None is actual kin or property

Organic Me

Dogs and their masters
Changlings and their grown-ups
Rays and their intentions
All converge along St. Kilda’s

Waves and their stories
Weeds and their sways
Foams and their yester-years
All along St. Kilda’s

The horizon and its constancy
The scent of the breeze and its orgins
The laughter of joy and sadness
I take it all in, all on St. Kilda’s

This is the time to weep
This is the time to laugh
This is the time to live
This is an organic time

I am better off without words
Without politics, without agendas
I am better off with just my senses
This is me, the organic me

Hold on to the organic you.

(Boats without their oars are still boats)

My Things and I

I hibernate for greater things

fornicate for smaller things

get stoned by slighter things

exfoliate with warmer things

gravitate from heavier things

smoke healthier things

trade for higher things

break for even things

gamble for odd things

pray for ideal things

love simpler things

pine for everything

risk for crazy things

listen to wavy things

smell lighter things

touch similar things

think silly things

run to pointed things

am made for greater things

have achieved nothing

Us, Retold

Alone, listening
I am listening to you

Feeling
I just want to feel you again

Smoldering, glistening
Making it what it should be

This intimacy via waves
Waves of memories that hold us close

The beauty of this moment
In time

Your hand and pulse will guide
As I make my way through

Come away with me
Every now and then

This is Us
Retold

Periods in this Paper Place

I am seeking consistency for
We can only pretend so much
In this paper place

Periods of play, pleasure, poetry
Just periods
In this paper place

Mourning is a moment’s folly
I will burn with this paper place
The phoenix emerges to take us in
This period will stay, this period will resonate

I will sweep up the remnants
Powder
Plough
and Prepare

Periods of this paper place
I will remember
And keep them close to me

Perfect. Period.

Birds Astray

We are storks
Delivering the bundles

Those flamingos shall never know

We are storks
Abreast, we will float

Those hummies are never alone
Those vultures will go

We are storks
In tandem, we swoop

Those peacocks shall never show
And those eagles will bow

We are storks
In winter, we come

Those owls will hoot our arrival

We are storks
Emotions at our beaks

Those hens shall peck
Those ostriches will start to neck

We become storks as
Reflections bewilder the skies we conquer

We are storks
Watch our ascent, our flight and descent!

Pieces

Falling into each missing piece’s place
Every piece a different story
Each reminiscing, each competing
Against extinction

I take one piece
And exchange for another
Which speaks volumes
Take it on and off over and over again

Transpiration / Inspiration

You take my piece
And finger every edge
And then swallow it wisely
Never to see it again

Diffusion / Inculcation

These pieces will fall back into place
These pieces will call back every trace
These pieces will matter
These pieces shall not shatter

Sifter Boy

this boy is a sifter
this life is flour
this truth is batter
this is his hour, his time

this boy is a sifter
this life is flour
this road is jagged
this foot is still fine

this boy is a sifter
this life is flour
this kind is sapping
this one is not mine

this boy is a sifter
this life is flour
this rest is up
this trance is prime

this boy is a sifter
this life is flour
his choice is his
his act mostly mime

this boy is a sifter
this life is flour
his songs are whispers
his stares never blind

Catharsis

Tell me how to be your protein
Just don’t let it go all over the place

(Recuperate, not hallucinate)

Show me how to be your balm
Just be a little patient with me

(Have a little faith to enhance the love)

Tell me more, diligently
Don’t just fret and go off wandering

(Abandonment is sin)

Show me bit by bit
Of how to take your hand

(We will go through it together)

On this road to recovery

(You are not alone / so be settled)

condensed karma

it’s all coming back to me now
every move, every step, every gesture
it’s all coming back to me now
every utterance, every tone, every tongue slap
they are all coming back to me now
look who’s talking, remember the influence
a butterfly effect across time
this i believe, this i swear, this i experience
come on back to me now
and let me get on with it

i thank u

Correspondence J.D.

dear mr j.d,

let us share a fag,
let us express, not brag
let us whisk and crash
let us always be brash

dear mr j.d,

you propel a generation
mesmerize us with your intentions,
your swagger, your stare, your hairdo
will always and forever be true

dear mr j.d,

i am part of that generation, lost and foolish
unwittingly consuming every served-up dish
i have you on my wall
to whisper every cent of your call

dear mr j.d,

let us walk and not talk
let us pop every cork
let us come undone
let us just have all the fun

(to a soul, once restless, now always resting
to him who successfully awakens, without waking)

i sign off thinking:
would i be you for a day?

Unsettlement

On that float
You lie

(I want to relieve you)

Oh (as the devil arrive) there is no answering
we can only nod and swallow

The equilibrium has be spoilt

Return me my centrality,
my anchor,
my focus!

(I am wrong, so very wrong)
(For there is never normalcy, only agency)

Don’t cry, don’t weep, don’t shed,

There is, like there was.

(With help

I will reinvent this structure)

Milk and Kisses

as they meet, we are transported
as they touch, we fall
as they connect, we do too
as they separate, we have become one

(tongue-tied)

on a night like this
can a boy say no?
on a night like this
every star points to virgo

(we are tongue-tied, yes we are)

under the moon’s beams
we eat each other on our own milky way
feast, devour, consume (eyes closed)
to nourish, to digest, to recover

every sweat is a drop of my essence
every breath i make is a breath you take
my gall is your milk is my gall
the littlest touch is comforting

there (and this) is much ado about something!

(oh… this beautiful suffocation
can we do it again?)

what calmness
what a plunge
we shall wake later
only to sleep again

(this air-less-ness we were in
a primary state within)

kiss me once more!

a tarot's revelation

a foregone conclusion
a moment’s desperation
a relationship in retrospect
a scar intact
a soul’s liberation
a certain consumption
a period of worth
a fragment’s birth
a time was shared
a lot was bled
a need for speed
a rejection of plead
a sight to behold
a tragedy unfolds
a life without
a continuation in doubt
a will to forgive
a chance to relive
a reflection i yearn
a memory i burn
a grand passing
a new beginning
a gift of the future
a love forever

Gravity

come, come, let us get personal

if only I were so permeable

for there, there lies,
my layer of oil.

take the elevator up

reach for my stratosphere
where my air is thin

and alas! my descent, yes, my descent will get to you
oh great Gravity!
(protect me from the floating mushiness of get-togethers)

the need for entrance is universal
so is the need for primacy

consider admitting a virgo
consider sharing
(the Gemini scope)

emotional diffusion
(not) my new prozac

Fool and Lover

I am a fool
Swaggering without sight
You cushion with soft embraces
As I fall deeper and deeper

It all seems so natural
Just because you are there

Just because you are there
It is unnatural

The ambiguity we enjoy is
But a figment of a desired ideal

Decipher the smoke from the ashes
Before everything goes up in flames, (my flames)

I’d lay down my life for you
Like I should
But does it mean love?
I can only ponder and plod on

This uncertainty indicates already the foregone conclusion
There is no need to push, to shove, for I cannot be there

There will be light
And I will walk you to the end
And hand you over

This fool needs another
Like you need a lover

pop- life

britney’s baby and her smooches
yoda, luke, anakin, palpatine
paparazzi chases and endless dodges
idol life, matrix, keanu, constantine

super bowl with a touch of nipplegate
the world wide web
simpsons kill kenny, that’s fate
friends to joey to ab-fab

dash beats jafaar any day
LOTR: the two towers
the yodeling of cool coldplay
kidman, moore, streep make the hours


*Anyone please feel free to continue for me…

through the fairs

this dual-i-ty,
this flex-i-bi-lity, and dex-ter-it-y
this torture!
even the sun is absolute…

this is my truth,
my destiny
resistance is to give in

i worship every moment
every moment of silence
the purity of eggshells we walk upon
this baptism, this crucible.

for he covets the closet he was in as
she sings hymns of slient sin
unleashed (for us)
mine, unabashedly, mine

i’d find middle ground
as i venture through the fairs
i stand in for no one
for i am one with them (u shalt not judge me)

this is my choice
every moment is mine

every tear is mine
every joy is yours, oh my fairy, yes,

you remember that
for this was beautiful, oh my love, as tirzah

oh…all my love

to my dearest jykell and hyde
my source, my lungs, my pride

son / guest

when i’m finished
i turn to you

you’d make my bed
in this hotel, this home

this selfishness
(i cannot help)
this altruism

it’s like the rain cycle
it’s like why objects never complain
it’s like why all talk fuck things up

it’s like Man

when you are done
where will i be?

social darwinism

we weep at death
we scorn at sin
we judge, we tread

we are practically clean

you are out and about
without agency

neither ruffle nor flout
you have much-needed decency

(who are the beasts now?)

the trusted entity

what apparent lightness
awashed upon shoulders I frown
thus I realize:
the flight of this entity

I’d trust it, swallow it, with plea-sure revised
this civility’s expanded
hands off mine!


I could not last the weaver of these nets

i need to lay down
soak up the salt


(what profanity is this?)

face-less-ness

tools for the taking
lofty structures for the building
blueprints for the guiding
personalities sketched!

nets for the fishing
breeze for the sailing
hooks for the impaling
i am the bait!

keys aplenty
boxes empty

who is this beckoning?

in all of the matrix’s mumbo-jumbo
(smoke and mirrors)
prosopagnosia helps
to filter every twilight, to erase every face

choose simplicity.

3 Little Pigs

an ode to my bros.

3 little pigs

these
three
little
pigs

never found home

it was pitiful the way they roamed

it was fluid the way they flowed

it was funny i said so

the wolf will come

and
the
pigs
will

find

home